A Super Secret Admirer <3

[eternitynpc]

Warnings: Suggestive Language, Bad Puns, A Terrible Character Who is Just The Worst

[It's a time of love, and also a time of desperation. And hey, apparently everyone's gonna die? That means nobody's got anything to lose!

Pretty girls, and pretty boys, and pretty non-binary folks, prepare to receive the most spectacular Valentine ever. MUSCLEHEADS need not apply!

To have your character receive a Valentine from Ultros a super secret admirer, leave a comment below. Your character will receive a secret Valentine message as a response. Who knows, maybe love will be kindled?

In spite of Ultros' the secret admirer's pretty girl/boy preferences, anyone is eligible to receive a card if they want. The secret admirer ain't picky.]





*The coding will be obnoxious and purple. If you would like to opt out of it, please say so in your comment.

Comments

[bladeofconquest]

Corrin plz

the more obnoxious the coding, the better, frankly

To Corrin

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

Your hair may be white,
But your body is TIGHT.
How's about you come out and sea me tonight?

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[acapriciousreaper]

oh boy can't wait to be struck dumb with absolute horror

To Kuja

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

Your hair is divine and your skin is so pale,
But I'd really love to sea your TAIL!
;)

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[littlemhigan]

#doit

To Castor

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

I like a gal
Who can kick my behind,
So step on me
If you don't mind!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[pidgeypidge]

Pidge and Marinette deserve... Valentines from Ultros a very special admirer~

To Pidge

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

I'm not lion,
I'm an excellent catch!
Purple and green-
totally a match!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[legalcy]

Make it the most obnoxious.

To Ultra Magnus

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

You got some mech enhancements
I'm willing to try (;
'Cause I'm an open-minded guy!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[modelcivilian]

no no no no

doooo it

To Adrien

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

You turn on the cat walk,
And I like what I see.
How's about you spend Valentine's
Posing for me? (;

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[hashtagdaddy]

Gladio PLEASE because this sounds hilarious.

To Gladio

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

I don't like muscles,
But DAAAAMN Beefcake
You can be
The exception I make.

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[pishirogane]

Leviathan's one of her best friends should this really?

Of course

To Naoto

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

My eyes aren't defective,
You're the cutest detective.
You should come to the coast
and sea my perspective (;

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[chatwithdeath]

Haaa? She's going to be confused.

To Naomi

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

The sexiest number of legs is EIGHT,
And lady, yours are looking GREAT!


[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[hatejakku]

plz

To Finn

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

Why fly in the sky?
Water's where you should be.
My force could be with you
Under the sea. (;

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[waningsigns]

a small child really shouldn't be involved in any part of this situation, but what kind of a flirtmaster would frisk be if they didn't rise to the occasion?

To Frisk

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

I hear you like monster,
So give me a try!
Cutie, I'm way better than
some bone-headed guy!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[cureofmanyworlds]

Y'know what? Dew it.

To Nozomi

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

Just looking at you, Hot Stuff,
Gives me the THRILLS.
I think you're the cure
For all of my ills!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[boomchucka]

Do the thing so that we can do the thing! ;)

To Selphie

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

You're the cutest around,
Of that I am shore.
So send me a Selfie
So I can sea more (;

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[tiredcharmer]

Tyzias, for the most OBNOXIOUS CODING POSSIBLE

To Tyzias

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

I dig the disheveled look,
You're hot as can be.
Here's hoping you're
As horny as me!

Get it, because you've got HORNS?

Gwee-hee-hee!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[mech_and_mutt]

Oh boy, here we go. Be as obnoxious as you like.

To Red

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

When you handle a blitzball,
You cause quite a riot.
I don't usually go furry,
But you make me wanna try it.
Bow-WOW!


[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[musicinmysoul]

Do your worst

To Tilly

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

Hey, Foxy Lady,
You're looking so blue.
I wanna put
A smile on you (;


[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[strawberryredgrave]

Fish meets fish

To Dante

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

You know what they say:
Once you go aquatic
You'll never go back
to land-dwelling...dates

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[failtsuninari]

Be as obnoxious and purple as you like!

To Kenichi

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

Will you be mad at me
If I call you 'Daddy'?

Also, your wife's quite a looker.
If she's ever around,
I'd take you both
To Tentacle Town!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[whirluendo_of_puns]

Against my better judgment

To ??? (Ultros isn't sure which name to address it to)

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

I hear you like stories,
But have you heard about
The Fisherman's Wife?
Let's act it out!! (;

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[rivieran]

asl?

To Ena

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

You're the hottest Elezen I've ever seENA.
Write me back, and don't be meENA!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[provenworth]

Oh gosh yes please

To Elena

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

A sweet honey like you
Shouldn't stand up so tensely.
Let me give you a massage.
You'll enjoy it IMMENSELY (;

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[singerofspells]

Why not? One for S'reee please.

To S'reee

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

Girl, your dorsal fin is looking so fine,
Forget the land-lubbers and say you'll be mineee!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[bleating_heart]

Destroy me

To Asriel

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

You know what really gets my goat?
Not having a date!
Go out with me, Cutie,
So I don't get irate!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[masqueraid]

He'll never see it comin'

To Ren

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

Megane kid, I like your style.
Come down to the beach for a while.
You look like a work of art,
And I'm gonna steal your heart!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]

[transect]

Worse decisions have been made, probably.

To Rutile

[eternitynpc]

[The message arrives before Valentine’s Day, and is written on paper that looks wrinkled, as if it was soaked and dried out. The ink on the page is purple, and carries an aroma of salt and fish. It has no signature or return address.]

Come play Doctor,
'Cuz you got me dying!
If you won't me mine,
I'll spend Valentine's crying!!

[If you wish to respond, you can try leaving a message in your mailbox for the ‘Secret Admirer’.]