melodiesofkupo

Precisely my dilemma. I've always been pretty solitary, but I'm beginning to wonder if that's really for the best...

Take it slow, maybe?

Trust's like a plant. It takes time to grow. It doesn't just sprout up overnight.

I... suppose so. It's a bad habit of mine I've been trying to do something about, but at the same time, cohabitating with others can be trying. And I'm sure the people I'm currently with have plans already...

No helping it. I've barely met my roommates.

You can move in with others. Just got to ask. It might work better, yeah?

[Maybe he should offer. Hrm... best to check with Mythra, though, since they plan to stick together.]

There is one person I might think to ask. I feel a little guilty about it for a different reason, though. I want to protect her, truly, but her situation is... peculiar. So I don't want to seem overbearing, either.

Which makes me think perhaps it's better if I just forget about it in the first place.

That's probably awfully vague, isn't it? I apologize.

Nothing to apologize for. You don't owe me an explanation of your secrets.

But if you care about her, I think you should keep her close.

Right... I guess I just needed the reassurance. Thank you.

To be fair, there are a number of people here I would like to get to know better. But when you end up burned too many times, it becomes easier to remain paranoid... or just get really, really overprotective.

Any time.

And... yeah. I know about that. It's hard, you know? Trust isn't easy. Especially when you get burned. But... people aren't meant to be alone, either.

Working alone is easier for me -- no need to worry about anyone else not approving of your decisions, or getting hurt because of you...

[That's... oddly specific.]

I think I work better when I have total control of the situation, and other people are variables I cannot control. So... easier to just do without them, right?

Hurt because of you?

I think it sounds easier. I don't think it's easier at all. It's fucking hard. No one to talk. No one to share shit with. Keeping everything bottled in.

...Well, yes. It's happened before.

Besides, I wouldn't wish these things on anyone, whether or not they'd even be able to sympathize. I don't wish them on me, either, but I'd still rather take it than subject others to that burden. It may count for less here, but it's still... something.

Look.

Unless you're the one who's causing the hurt, people don't get hurt because of you. Maybe they do when they're near you, and that's shit and it's awful, but it's not your fault.

It's perfectly easy to say that out loud. To sound like you mean it, and to fool everyone else.

...Convincing oneself of it is an entirely different matter.

Fuck, I know that.

I can't tell you how to feel differently. You just have to keep going, keep trying, and find the good shit. Instead of the bleak, awful shit. A friend told me something like that once.

The "good shit", huh... That's one way to put it.

I do, believe me. Maybe I'm just too prone to the pessimist outlook or something. It's not like I'm not trying to change, but it's not an overnight process. There are still people who make me want to change for the better, even if I don't have them with me right now, and letting them down isn't really an option.

I think if any of them showed up, though... I don't know if I could deal with that, considering the circumstances so far.

...Yeah. I know what you mean there. Where you miss them, right?

But if they came -- they'd know. The shit you keep bottled up. Or the shit you let out, because it's people that don't know you well enough to really get hurt by it.

Yes, although there's another factor that seems to be unique to only one or two of us.

I can't quite decide if it would be better for them to know, or to have to rebuild everything from the ground up. In the case of those already here, we weren't quite close enough for it to have been a huge issue, but if it were someone I was better acquainted with...

I'm not sure.

It could be an issue, I won't lie. I suppose... if it were me, part of me would rather just have it over with. Part of me would rather keep them from ever finding out.

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